Tonight I Wanna Cry'
by phoenixmagic1
Summary: This is a oneshot based on the song titled Tonight I Wanna Cry by Keith Urban. Huddy. Please R&R!


6/22/2007

Disclaimer: I don't own the song "Tonight I Wanna Cry", it's sung by Keith Urban. It's off his CD called "Be Here". It's written by Keith Urban and Monty Powell. The lyrics come from the fan based website KeithUrbanFans dot com. I don't own this website. I don't own House or Cuddy or Wilson, David Shore owns them.

Rating: T. Sorry if House or Cuddy or Wilson seem to be OOC. This story is un-beta'd.

It was Saturday night around 9:00p.m and House sat on his black couch; his feet were both propped up on his coffee table and in his left hand he held a half empty glass of red wine and in his right hand was unconsciously massaging his right thigh. House stared at the TV without any real interest and he saw the reflection of himself in the glass. He was somewhat shocked by his own appearance. His hair was disheveled more so than usual, his clothes were rumpled and they looked like he hadn't changed them in a few days. His face spoke of how tired he was, which wasn't anything new. He smelled like he hadn't showered in at least three to four days and he grimaced as he ran his right hand through his hair and felt how greasy it was. His ever present stubble, once short and neat, at least neat for his standards, had turned into somewhat of a beard, which he hated.

House turned his attention from the TV to his coffee table and took surveillance of what lay on it. There were empty cartons of Chinese carry out, various eating utensils stuck in the cartons, his ever present Vicodin bottle, a few magazines and other pieces of mail and three to four empty wine bottles. Next to all of this stood an already opened and almost empty bottle of red wine and next to this half empty bottle stood two more bottles of red wine, both of which were unopened.

House didn't usually ever drink red wine, but he had drunken the rest of the whiskey last week and he hadn't gotten around to going to the store to buy more, so he was stuck with drinking red wine. House didn't care how he got drunk, whether by whiskey or wine and tonight it was red wine.

He looked around his apartment and saw that it was in more of disarray than usual. There were empty pizza boxes, empty cartons of Chinese take out, empty bottles of whiskey and other alcohol from the week before, all of which he hadn't bothered to clean up. Also strewn around his apartment were piles of old mail, bills, newspapers, magazines, dirty clothes, CD's he hadn't bothered to put away, and dirty cups and plates. All around his apartment were pictures of himself and Cuddy together, they were both smiling and happy, like they hadn't a care in the world. He outwardly winced as he saw all of these pictures that were hung on the walls and in picture frames on his bookshelf.

House turned his attention from his apartment back to his now almost empty wine glass. He reached for the wine bottle and poured himself yet another glass. He couldn't remember the last time he was sober, but he didn't really care at this point. He had been on this particular bender ever since Cuddy left him, for good this time, on the Monday morning of that week. House drank the glass of wine, poured himself another glass and let himself drunkenly remember his relationship with Cuddy.

He and Cuddy had been together on and off for six years and through those years they had had their share of highs and lows.

They had shared great times together, like monster-truck rallies, dinner at either his apartment or her home, how they watched movies together and the fantastic love-making and many more happy memories. They had shared these memories in the first three years of their relationship and they both thought that things were on track.

But in the last three years of their relationship, things had gone down hill very quickly. They fought about House's drug addiction, his ever increased intake of the Vicodin, House's refusal to get help for his addiction, the Tritter fiasco, House's drinking and much more.

Cuddy knew what she had gotten herself into when she began her relationship with House and visa versa. They knew how to push each others buttons when it came to arguing. They often made snide or snarky comments at each other and Cuddy would sometimes but not often use words that hit below the belt when she yelled at House. In the reverse, House would in anger often say very hurtful and painful things that he knew he shouldn't say but did anyway because he knew how much his words hurt her and he didn't care.

All of this came to a head, the Monday morning of that week. House knew that Cuddy had wanted to have children for a few years, but he didn't want any children. The baby topic was one that they constantly fought about, along with House's drinking and drug addiction issues and on that Monday morning it had finally come to an end.

That previous evening, they had once again had a shouting match, harsh and hateful words were said and tears were spilled. House was drunk when Cuddy came home from the hospital around 7:00p.m. They had argued about not only the baby topic, but also about the issue of House's drug addiction and his unwillingness to change. House yelled at Cuddy that he didn't need any help because he was perfectly fine the way he was! He also yelled at her drunkenly that he was glad that she wasn't able to have children because she wouldn't be any good! He reminded her, so nicely, of the child that she had almost killed a month or so ago. House knew that with those hateful and drunken words that he had just said, he had crossed the line, but he didn't care either way.

When Cuddy heard these words, she couldn't believe what he had said! She felt hurt, anger, sadness, and shock beyond belief! In the end, Cuddy had gone to their bedroom, slammed the door and cried. Meanwhile House called Wilson and they went to a local bar so House could drink some more.

This fight they had that night was nothing new to either of them, but in their hearts they both knew that their relationship was coming to a dead end. It seemed that all that all they had done for the past few years was to fight about everything, big or small. They deliberately said hurtful things to each other and neither of them seemed to care about how the other person felt. They were tired and hurt, emotionally, and mentally because of the harsh and hateful words that had been spoken in these past few years.

After House got even more smashed, if that was even possible, Wilson drove House back to his apartment to sleep it off on the couch.

That Monday morning, when both House and Cuddy awoke, neither of them said a word to each other. House stumbled to the kitchen and made coffee and Cuddy came out and she exhausted, but she said nothing to House as he sat down at the kitchen table and drank his coffee. The tension, hurt, anger, sadness and all of the other emotions all hung in the air. Cuddy couldn't even look at House and after she drank her coffee, she went into the bedroom and began to pack up her things. It didn't take her long to do so and when she came out she had all of her belongings with her. She looked at House at smiled a small, sad smile but didn't say anything to him. Then she called a cab and sat on the couch to wait.

Meanwhile, House said nothing while all of this took place. He knew that it was over with Cuddy and there was nothing more that neither he nor she could say to make it right again. He drank his coffee and watched her wait for the cab to arrive. He wasn't the kind of man to give up easily but even he knew in the back of his mind that his relationship with Cuddy was over, not that he would ever reveal that to anyone else.

Cuddy heard a car horn beep a few moments later and she gathered up her belongings and walked to the door. She looked once again at House and she felt her heart break into a million pieces, as she finally solidified in her own heart and mind that it was over. A few tears ran down her cheeks as he walked through the door.

House knew that the moment she left, his life was over and he sat there still drunk from the night before and he knew that he would never be the same. That was the day that he started drinking.

House was brought back to the present time as he realized that his right leg was on fire and he grabbed the pill bottle, opened it, shook out two pills, placed them in his mouth and washed it down with the red wine he had. After this, House grabbed the nearby remote control for his CD player and turned it on. He needed some music to distract him from this living hell he was going through. The CD he put on was Keith Urban's CD called "Be Here". House had bought this CD recently and really liked it even though he hadn't gotten the chance to listen to it all the way through. The CD started to play and House put down the remote control for the CD player and picked up and CD case and looked on the back for the track numbers. He saw the eight track titled "Tonight I Wanna Cry". The song began with piano playing and House knew immediately that this song was meant for him to hear.

_Alone in this house again tonight_  
_I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine  
There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me  
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me  
I'll never get over you walkin' away_

_(Chorus)  
I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show  
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control  
But I'm just drunk enough to let got of my pain  
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain  
From my eyes  
Tonight I wanna cry_

_Would it help if I turned a sad song on  
"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone  
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters  
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better  
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way_

_(Chorus x2) _

House had never heard a more powerful song in his life. The lyrics were raw and real. This song mirrored his life to the T! He glanced around the room and saw all of he pictures of himself and Cuddy, when they were happy together. He cursed himself because he knew of what could've and should've been when he was with Cuddy! It was true that House wasn't a man to show his emotions, but at this point, he was so drunk that he didn't care if he cried or not and he felt the tears begin to fall from his eyes.

House took the remote control and put the song on repeat. House continued to drink all that night and into the next day. He knew that he would never ever be the same now that Cuddy was gone from his life. He continued to let go of his pride and cry about this living hell he was going through.


End file.
